Lovers Lane (1999) – Film Review

Director: Jon Steven Ward
Cast: Matt Riedy, Erin J Dean, Riley Smith
Certificate: 15

By Roger Crow

Thirteen years ago, two separate couples were slaughtered in their cars by a hook-handed killer.

Fast forward to present day, and the horrors of that night come back to haunt the teens who linger around the lovers’ lane where the double slaying took place.

“Humdrum”

County Sheriff Tom Anderson has just about come to terms with the fact that it was his wife who died in another man’s car on that night. His daughter Mandy, who as a four-year-old saw her mother’s corpse carried away from the scene, has a different take on things.

It doesn’t help that her classmate, Michael, lost his dad to the same homicidal maniac in that night’s incident.

As another Valentine’s Day comes round, reports arrive that the man arrested as “The Hook” has just broken out of his asylum.

So that’s the plot, but is it any good? Well, imagine a version of Scream made by a crew who turn out those awful TV movies that populate Channel 5 most weekday afternoons. There’s no chance of seeing this offering in the afternoon on terrestrial TV. Maybe late night on one of those lesser channels.

The script is yawnsome, the acting humdrum, and the editing just okay. Scenes last slightly too long. And that final minute. Just ugh.

“Derivative”

If you love good thrillers, then you won’t want to waste your time with this derivative load of old tosh. Just watch the original Halloween, Scream 2, or the Happy Death Day movies. And if you really must watch a hook-handed killer movie, then Candyman (1992) or the recent reboot are well worth a look.

Star-spotters will see Anna Faris in one of her first movies, but that’s about as interesting as this gets. Which isn’t saying much.

There are two versions of the movie on the new release, so you can decide which you dislike the most. Or not, hopefully.