Co-parenting: getting the balance right

Co-parenting is often a fine balancing act. Like many other aspects of our life, it is something that we often getting better with over time. Keeping your children’s needs central is key to success, regardless of any ongoing disputes over custody rights and living arrangements. Knowing how to achieve the best balance for your children will lay the foundations for a positive future for everyone. Here’s some tips on striking the right balance from the off. 

Facilitate a connection between your child and their other parent 

Reinforcing their other parent’s love for them will remind children they are cared for, and important to both parents. Although for some, it may feel uncomfortable at first, try to be positive about the time they spend with their mum or dad. For example, if they talked enthusiastically about a new activity they did with their mum, join them in being positive about it too, ask them questions about it and show an interest. You can also help keep the connection by encouraging your children to speak to their other parent when they are with you, for instance, sending text messages about what they did for their birthday or what they have done at school that day. 

Stay open to changes in arrangements 

Busy parents often have to shape and shift around their children’s activities on a daily basis. This can be even more challenging when you are co-parenting. If one parent suddenly needs to change plans, keep in mind that it will likely pay to be flexible, if you can. Being adaptable demonstrates not only a good example to your child, but it can also help the next time you need to alter your plans and prepare you for the future as your child grows up and their plans and needs also shift. 

Maintain good communication with your ex-partner 

Sometimes, it is unfortunately not possible to stay cordial with an ex. However, if the split has been amicable or if some time has passed and you are now on a better footing, staying in contact when necessary will benefit your child. Updating the other parent on what is happening with your child’s education, their health and any other significant events or issues will make the other parent feel included and respected which will help ensure a positive relationship. If your children are still young, you may want to create a shared diary of their activities so that each parent knows what is happening and where their child will be. Ad hoc or regular phone calls are also good communication channels, depending on your personal preferences. Think practically about how things will work, for instance will you go attend parents’ evenings or school plays together or separately, and who will attend which event? 

Be patient with the process

If you have recently split and have previously spent a lot of time with your children, the prospect of coparenting can feel very daunting and for some, upsetting. Being without your child while they spend time with their other parent can take time to get used to.  Prepare in advance by putting your own activities into your diary that will help take your mind off missing the children. Think about the things that you often want to do but can’t when your children are with you. This could be your chance to take up the sport or hobby that you have always wanted to try or pick up again. Speaking to close friends and family about how you are feeling can be a huge support as you navigate your way through co-parenting.   

Conclusion 

Co-parenting is not what most of us had planned, however, when both parents have taken time to process the situation and create and maintain a mutual understanding with each other, your children will reap the rewards.