Horrible Histories: Awful Egyptians – Review – Bradford Alhambra Theatre
By Matt Callard, June 2026
I’m here with a superfan. A Horrible Histories devotee who knows his Cut-Throat Celts from his Stormin’ Normans, who has devoured the books and watched the TV programmes on repeat for the last three years.
My nine-year-old guest is never shy to inform anyone within earshot that the Ruthless Romans washed their clothes in wee, or that the Terrible Tudors used moss as toilet paper, or that embalming Egyptians would pull brains out through the nose – so it’s a particular highlight of this riotous show when Rob Cummings, as Ramesses, yanks the brain out of one unfortunate former pharaoh shortly after smashing open his nasal cavity.
Such are the joys of Horrible Histories: Awful Egyptians, which leans heavily on panto interplay, silly songs and, later, 3D graphics to tell the stories of the pyramids, mummification and the Book of the Dead to a theatre full of screaming-scared and/or screaming-with-laughter fellow devotees.
“Engaging”
It’s a Night at the Museum premise, as our two intrepid, sometimes hapless, heroes Milly (Megan Parry) and her teacher Mr Bland (Jack Ballard) find themselves inadvertently locked in a museum. Via a nice bit of prop interplay with an urn, they awaken the spirit of the pharaoh Ramesses, played with devilish panto-baddie glee by Rob Cummings.
With irreverence, broad humour and a liberal sprinkling of fart gags, Ramesses takes the duo on a journey through ancient Egypt – its leaders, its mysteries and its legends – with a particular emphasis on the gross-out.
The first half is pantomime-esque, with plenty of call-and-response, simple songs and an ever-changing cast of characters, all played by the engaging and versatile trio of performers. Cummings’ Ramesses even briefly veers into Donald Trump impersonation territory, a neat comic shortcut about a ruler with an ego big enough to need its own pyramid. It ends with an audience singing competition, shortly after the gloriously grisly anatomy lesson with the pharaoh’s brain.
“Chaos erupts”
The second half is something different, however. The audience don 3D glasses for Bogglevision and, via a screen projection at the back of the stage, ancient Egypt very much comes to life. Venom-spitting asps, hurtling rocks and ghoulish faces leap from the screen and out into the auditorium, to the ear-bothering screams of terrified kids – and, it has to be said, some adults.
The cast interact cleverly with the screen, opening the tomb of Tutankhamun, racing through the interior of a pyramid as if trapped inside a Tomb Raider videogame, and even crossing over into the afterlife during a somewhat surreal and dreamlike sequence.
It’s all terrific fun, with the educational stuff seeping in subliminally as the chaos erupts. The show rattles along briskly, rarely letting a fact, joke or flying snake linger long enough for young minds to drift. My plus one thoroughly approves of everything he sees, though he does at one point briefly lament the absence of “real blood”. Well, Horrible Histories, this is your creature. You built him.
I’ve long believed there’s rarely been a better way for children to understand history and learn its lessons than time spent with this Horrible lot – and, given the times we are living through, rarely a more urgent reason for them to do so.
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