Beauty and the Beast – Review – Hull New Theatre
By Roger Crow, December 2025
T’was a few nights before Christmas, and all through Hull Theatre,
Plenty of creatures were laughing, while dad fed the meter.
There were gags old and new, some near the knuckle.
And yes, the marvellous return of funnyman Paul Chuckle.
Everyone laughed at ‘Silly Billy’ Jack Gleadow.
A local lad shone like a diamond plucked from a meadow.
Corrie’s Sue Cleaver was among the best of the lot-ty.
Streets ahead of the rest as the lovely Mrs Potty.
Those dancing biscuits were surreal, though fit for a feast.
And a memorable turn from that snarling old Beast.
He was cursed by an Enchantress to stay rather feral.
And within minutes poor Belle found her life in peril.
“Err nerrr!!” cried the crowd, in their best local dialect.
While some young ‘uns just cried, a bit tired we suspect.
There were laughs, gasps and jokes, and barely a cough.
As well as a terrific version of Taylor’s Shake It Off.
The first act was ‘Swift’, of that there’s no doubt,
Before the masses seeking loo breaks were instantly let out.
The festive show was the best laugh this side of the Humber.
Especially a gag involving Billy’s sliced cucumber.
And while Betty Bouffant was a hoot, with gags far from lame
Jack Land Noble proved there’s still nothing like a Dame.
I’ll raise a glass to the Belle of the ball, the radiant Liv Newcomb.
And the marvellous Sharon Sexton, an Enchantress if ever there was one.
It was so much better than a night in front of the TV.
There was even a gag about Look North anchor, Peter Levy.
Best bit of the show was a story about Goldilocks,
Far funnier than scrolling through endless TikToks.
Four volunteers in bin bags, it must have been stuffy,
And one of the best of the lot was presenter Alex Duffy.
For one night only he was one of the best in the ‘Nation’,
Especially when he got a pie in the face… oh the elation.
Though a close second in proceedings found the stars on a bench.
A ghost was nearby them, oh their buttocks did clench.
The stars couldn’t see it, and needed help from the crowd.
It was so hard to hear them, the screams were so loud.
But what a sight to see, such a magnificent view…
With hundreds of punters yelling “It’s behind you!”
The last petal fell, but what was the outcome?
You’ll have to see the show and the marvellous Ms Newcomb.
Like a glass of lemonade or a big glass of fizz…
It’s the most effervescent show in town… oh yes it is.
Beauty and the Beast is at Hull New Theatre until 31st December
Adopted Yorkshireman Roger Crow developed a passion for film and TV in the 1970s and 1980s. He has been a published film and TV reviewer since the 1990s; a world travel and restaurant critic since the noughties, and for the past decade has assessed the pros and cons of live gigs and theatre productions around the UK. His ideal day would involve reviewing a performance of Bat Out of Hell, followed by a Pad Thai while being serenaded by Texas on a cruise around Europe.
crowsfeat.com; nostalgiahhh film podcast
